Forever Young
by Hibbs
Summary: Someone finds Abby's diary. Yes I know it's been done before but please read anyway. Rated PG13 just in case.
1. Default Chapter

I know this has probably been done before but I wanted to have ago any way. It shouldn't contain any spoilers. I know I've already got one story on the go but this was sat on my computer, so I thought I might as well post it.  
  
These are extracts from Abby's diary when she was younger. I've probably got the dates and stuff wrong so please don't kill me. I also made some things up as you will see if you read this. Just a short chapter to start with, please tell me if I should continue.  
  
As usual I don't own anything.  
  
Forever Young  
  
She picked up the dusty book and looked at the cover 'Abby's Diary' she contemplated leaving it where it was but opened it instead,  
  
September 1973  
  
Mrs Fairfax gave me this notebook today, she told me I could write whatever I want in it and I don't have to show any one, like a diary. She said if I ever wanted to talk about what I wrote or about what happens at home I could tell her. I won't though, I don't want other people to know.  
  
November 1973  
  
Dad's gone. I thought he'd come back but he still isn't here. Mom's in bed, I can't get her up, she won't even look at me. Eric keeps pestering me for stuff, he's nearly four now, I give him biscuits to shut him up. I don't know what else to do, I wish dad would come home but I don't think he will, he took most of his things.  
  
Mom was screaming at him, he was yelling back, it went on for ages, then he left and it was quiet. Eric was in my room with me and we heard mom moving around the apartment. I wanted to go out and see if she was all right but I didn't in case she got mad with me. Eventually the front door slammed, I thought it was dad so I came out of my room, he wasn't there, neither was mom. She came back the next day and went straight to her room. He's still not here, why won't he come home?  
  
February 1973  
  
Me and mom had an argument I was trying to get her to take her medicine, she won't, she says she doesn't need it. Dad used to make her take it, but she doesn't any more, she shouted at me like she used to at dad. I gave up I didn't want her to shout any more. I wish dad was here so she'd take her medicine and get better. Does she not want to get better? 


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for your reviews. Sorry HyperPiper I haven't read your attempt at this but I will do when I get the chance to.  
  
2nd April 1973  
  
We painted the living room today, it looks really pretty. It's like a whole view all around the room. It took us the whole day to do. We all got covered in paint, mom was really happy. I bet no one else's mom lets them paint their house however they want, sometimes it's fun having a crazy mom.   
  
4th April 1973  
  
Today mom started screaming and crying, now she won't come out of her room, she'd said we could paint the kitchen today but now she doesn't want to any more. Eric's upset he wants to paint, but the paint is in her room. I take him to the park instead which seems to make him happy. When we get back she's still in there. Eric's hungry so I make him a sandwich and let him watch TV while I tidy up the house. The living room looks a mess now, it doesn't look pretty anymore. I wish we had a normal mom who wouldn't let us paint the walls. There are paint drips everywhere and they won't come off.  
  
October 1973  
  
It's Chrissy's birthday today, she's having a party, I'm not invited, all the other girls are. She told me yesterday I couldn't come, she said her mom said my family was strange. Why am I not allowed to go? It isn't fair. I told mom when I got home from school, she told me I shouldn't care what the other people say and that I was too special to go to the party. I don't want to be too special, I want to go to the party. We camped out in the living room last night, we had proper tents and everything, mom said we could have more fun at home than at Chrissy's party. Eric was there too and we pretended that we were really camping and had marshmallows and told ghost stories and everything, it was fun.  
  
February 1974  
  
It's parents evening tonight, I don't want to go. Mom found the letter in my bag and insisted that she go, she's taking me and Eric with her, says she can't leave us alone, why does she care about us when I don't want her to?  
  
It didn't go that badly, mom behaved like the other moms, although she wouldn't dress like the other moms, they were all smart, she insisted on wearing her painting overalls. None of the other kids came, well some did but most of them were being told off so they didn't notice us. All my teachers said nice things about me and mom was really pleased. She took us to MacDonalds because I'd been so good. Eric was really happy, he told me to be good more often if we got MacDonalds.  
  
June 1974  
  
Mom wasn't there this morning. I told Eric that everything would be all right and that mom would be back when he got home from school, he called me a liar. He's right, I lied, I didn't want him to think that mom wouldn't be there for him, but he knows, he understands what's going on now, I wish he didn't. I wish I could make him believe what I told him but he's too old he knows that mom is ill and she won't get better. If only she'd take her medicine. She did last month and things were so much better, she got a job and she bought me and Eric new clothes. Now things are back to normal, she isn't taking her medicine anymore so she isn't getting better. 


	3. Chapter 3

January 1975  
  
The police brought mom home, she'd tried to steal something but she got caught. She said she hadn't touched it, that the sales assistant had put it in her bag, they didn't believe her. I think they could tell something wasn't right, they wanted to wait for my dad to come back. I lied, I told them he was working and wouldn't be back until later. One of them wanted to stay but they got a call over the radio and had to leave. I hope they don't come back, I could ask Mr Davis to come round and pretend, he did it once before when my teacher came round, but then he might tell them things aren't right and that mom's crazy and dad left. I hope they don't come back.  
  
May 1975  
  
Mom's still in her room, she's been in there for four days, there's no food in the house. I had to ask Mrs Bernitas at number 12 if she'd cook us something. I told her mom had the flu. I don't think she believed me, she still made us food though. I don't like asking other people for food, what if they tell somebody, they might take us away. But Eric was hungry, well I was too and I didn't know what else to do so I asked her. She was really nice to us. I hope mom comes out soon. Every time I go in she's painting, she ignores me it's like I don't exist. Eric used to be able to get her talk but he can't now she ignores him too.  
  
Thanks Giving 1975  
  
It was Thanks Giving yesterday, me and Eric went to dads, we told mom we were going to a friends in case she got upset. We had a really good day, dad had cooked turkey and everything, it was good to see him again. I don't see him very often, Eric sees him more. Dad said we could stay if we wanted. I nearly said yes, Eric did, but I wanted to go back home as mum had probably cooked, not that I was hungry anymore. Dad took me home, he wouldn't come in, he just said he would drop Eric off in the morning and drove off.  
  
Mom was mad when I didn't bring Eric home. I had to tell her where he was. She started screaming at me about why had we gone to see him after he left us, and wasn't she good enough. I tried to tell her she was, that I loved her but she wouldn't listen. She started banging the pots about in the kitchen, she was getting angrier, and I couldn't get her to calm down. She picked up a knife, it was one of those long sharp, shiny ones, she started to come towards me, I ran. She chased me round the kitchen and the living room. I was crying, she was screaming at me, telling me I was a bitch, that I was turning Eric against her, how I deserved to die. I ran into the hall closet, I sat on the floor pushing my feet against the door so she couldn't get in. I could still hear her shouting she was banging on the door, she wasn't getting in.  
  
The banging and the screaming stopped, I stopped crying. I listened, it was silent. I sat there for ages listening, then I heard her crying. I opened the door slowly, the knife was there on the floor in front of me, I pushed it under the cabinet so she couldn't find it later. I saw her, she was sat in the corner hugging her legs. I came out of the cupboard and she saw me. She started to get up and I stepped back, she said she was sorry and begged me to forgive her, I stayed by the closet just in case as she came closer. Then she collapsed on the floor and sat there crying, she kept saying she was sorry and only got mad because she thought I loved dad more than her and that she's all alone. She looked really sad and it was all because of me, I hugged her, still scared she'd try and kill me. I sat her on the sofa and made her a cup of tea that she drank while I tidied up the kitchen. She came in when I'd nearly finished and hugged me saying she loved me and she'd never hurt me. She asked me if I'd sleep in her room so she could show me that she loved me. I said yes in case she got mad. I stayed awake all night just in case. She didn't do anything, yet I didn't close my eyes so that she wouldn't kill me. When dad brought Eric back this morning she was fine, like nothing had happened. I'm not going to dads any more, I don't want her to get angry again so I won't go.  
  
March 1976  
  
Mom wasn't there when we got back from school, she wasn't back to make us tea or to put us to bed. I made Eric tea and tucked him in, I told him mom would be back in the morning hoping it wasn't a lie again.  
  
I stayed awake until I heard her open the door. I came out of my room to see her, she didn't see me. She was walking towards her room holding a mans hand. He saw me, he stared at me as he followed mom before he turned back to her. I went to bed but I couldn't sleep. I could hear them in the next room, I tried to block it out, but I couldn't stop the noise.  
  
He was still here this morning. I came into the kitchen and he was sat there with a drink. His eyes followed me as I made some toast, I moved to the living room so I didn't have to sit with him. He said good morning as I walked past, I said it back, he asked me my name and I told him wishing he'd go away. He got up and started coming over when mom came out of her room. She hugged and kissed him, then whispered something in his ear and they went back to her room. He's not here now, I'm glad he's not I didn't like him. 


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry I forgot to say thanks to those who reviewed chapter 2, so thank you! Carbyfan I barely have time to upload the chapters so really don't have time to change it now sorry, you will find out who is reading in the next chapter which is also the last one. I don't know if anyone is still reading this as no one reviewed the last chapter but I'd thought I'd put this up anyway.  
  
May 1976  
  
Mom got a new job today, she's working in a department store selling makeup and stuff. She seems really happy. I'm glad she's happy she doesn't shout at Eric when she's happy and things are so much nicer.  
  
June 1976  
  
She lost the job. I should be used to it by now but I'm not. I always think that this time the happy phase will last forever, but it doesn't. She's screaming now, me and Eric hid in my room, he pretends he isn't bothered but I can tell he is. He's trying to be all big and grown up but I can tell he wants to cry when she shouts at him, he doesn't understand what he's done wrong. I want to cry sometimes too but I'm being grown up for Eric, I don't want to him to see that I'm scared too. I wish I could make it better for him, he doesn't deserve this, he tries to be good. I think he hopes that if he's good mom will get better, I can't tell him it's not going to happen.  
  
September 1976  
  
It's Eric's birthday tomorrow, he's going to be seven and moms still in her room, I don't know if she'd bought him anything, I hope she has. He deserves to have a good birthday. I took the money I'd been saving and went to the store while he was at Matt's. I bought sausages, ice cream and candles, I made a cake when I came back, it didn't rise properly, but it might look better if I decorate it. I wrapped the toys I bought him a few months ago, I put love mom on the tag hoping that he'd believe it.  
  
I got up early today and blew up balloons to put around the house. I put his presents from me and dad on the table and started to make him breakfast. Mom came out of her room just before he did, she was stood in the kitchen with me when he came in, we didn't say anything to each other. Eric came running in a huge grin on his face singing happy birthday to himself, mom looked confused then hugged him and said happy birthday, I said the same and gave him his breakfast. He sat down, mom sat opposite while I just stood behind them. I know she forgot. I watched him open his presents, I saw his face light up when he saw what I'd bought him, he got off his chair and hugged mom saying thank you. I wanted to tell him it was from me, but I didn't. While he opened dad's presents she told him we could go ice-skating and then Pizza Hut for tea. When he ran off to get ready for school moom said thank you, I glared at her and walked off, at least Eric was happy.  
  
She bought him a cake, told me we'd eat mine another day, Eric laughed at it, I wanted to cry.  
  
February 1977  
  
Mom's crazy again, she ran down the street screaming, she didn't have any clothes on. I ran after her, with her coat, trying to stop her. She stopped in the end and I caught up with her, covering her with the coat, she was muttering things to herself, I don't know what. As I walked her back, I saw two boys from my school, they were laughing and pointing, they started shouting things at us like freaks and loony. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. There were some adults out on the street, they didn't help. They just stared and whispered, I wish they'd leave us alone, I hate them.   
  
School was horrible, I hid in the toilets at break, but at lunch one of the supervisors made me go outside where I stood in the corner wishing the ground would swallow me up or I could be invisible. I could see other girls whispering and pointing at me, they were worse than the boys who just said nasty things, I didn't like the way the girls whispered. I couldn't tell what they were saying. Class time was better they couldn't say anything when the teacher was there. As soon as school finished I picked Eric up from his class and made him walk as fast as possible until we got home.  
  
July 1977  
  
It's my last day of junior school today, I can't wait to leave, maybe things will be different next year. I'm going to start a new diary next year because things are going to be better. 


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you to everyone who reviewed this chapter before but I really didn't like it so I've changed it slightly, not really sure if it makes it any better though.  
  
May 2004  
  
There's an impatient knocking on the door. Abby gets up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and glancing at the clock, 1.30 am. She wonders who could be calling now as she opens the door.  
  
"Maggie?" She hopes this isn't like one of the usual visits she receives from her mother, she doesn't need this now, when she's so nearly sorted her own life out.  
  
"Abby!" the woman throws her arms around her daughter, engulfing her daughter in a hug. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For everything, I never thought about how you felt, about what you had to put up with."  
  
"What are you on about?" She asks still confused unsure whether her mother is on her meds or not.  
  
"I found this." Maggie pulls the diary out of her bag, "I was turning out some boxes in the attic, I wasn't going to read it but I couldn't help myself. I'm so sorry that I put you through all that. I knew I screwed up but I didn't think I'd hurt you that much. I didn't even realise you'd kept a diary. I'm so sorry!"  
  
"It's in the past now, it wasn't you, it was the disease." Abby, relieved that Maggie is on her meds, sleepily repeats the line her mother used to say as an excuse.  
  
"But that was part of me, the disease was part of me."  
  
"It isn't any more."  
  
"No it's not, I'm taking the pills, I'm not going to stop taking them, I've put you through enough already and what with Eric also having it I need to be able to help him if he needs me." She hugs her daughter again.  
  
"You came all this way just because you read my diary?"  
  
"Yes, I had to tell you how sorry I was, for what happened then and for everything else. And I had to ask you about the last thing you wrote. You said things would be better next year, were they?" Her face falls as her daughter slowly shakes her head.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I started another diary but a year later I burnt it. I realised things weren't going to change however much I wished them to. That year, it was the first time you tried to kill yourself.  
  
"Oh Abby, I'm so sorry." The woman breaks down in tears while her daughter holds her, trying to comfort her, whilst trying to block out the bad memories of her childhood that she'd only just managed to put behind her. 


End file.
